who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
