I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
