somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
how drunk are you?
Several
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