i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
