U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
