physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
