did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
