I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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