hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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