Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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