So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
