Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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