I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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