If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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