we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
