you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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