and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
