I heard we made out
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
