i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
FUCK WHALES
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