All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
