people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
