Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
