So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
