just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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