Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Randomize
