im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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