Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
