i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
