i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
