my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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