summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
