im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
