so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
