dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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