well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
