It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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