She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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