He is an equal opportunity slut.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
