i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
