so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
