I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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