I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
