I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
