I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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