After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ttyl tear gas
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
