At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i think i have herpe
just one?
I cut my penus on the lid.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
