I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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