Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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