Your mouth is God's brothel.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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