May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We had sex on a dog bed..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
