If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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