yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize