ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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