I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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