I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
