so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
