The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
