I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
