It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
