hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
