You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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