I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
