And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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