Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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