shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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