we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
