Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
