Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
