Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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