I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
