WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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