We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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